Maggie Listens: We’ve fallen out with our neighbours who failed to tell us they’re building an extension

This week, our resident agony aunt Maggie Clayton is on-hand to advise a reader on how to deal with a sticky situation with their neighbour.

Dear Maggie

When the house next door to us went up for sale I was anxious about who would buy it. At first it seemed our new neighbour was very pleasant.

But I was mistaken. As the weeks went on she began to rely on me in a way which I felt was overwhelming.

“Would I be around to let the decorators into her house?” Or asking me to let tradesmen working on the kitchen in.

I didn’t mind, but as time passed her demands grew and my husband said she was taking advantage.

Then the noisy weekend parties started. One Saturday, when we still couldn’t get to sleep by 3am, my husband said he’d had enough and went to ask them to quieten down.

My neighbour wasn’t home and her son and daughter were having a party. The next day their mum came in to apologise for the noise.

Then a few weeks later we found out she was building an extension. My husband was furious because she hasn’t consulted us and it will block out the light in our living room.

He went round to talk to her about it and the relationship between us has been frosty ever since. What can I do?

Maggie Says

I think both you and your husband need to sit down with your neighbour and have a discussion about what she plans to do. If the building work affects your property, she needs your permission before it can go ahead. The law insists upon it.

Also mention the disturbance of noisy parties every weekend.

Be fair, but be firm. If you don’t, it sounds like she’s the sort of person who will take advantage of you.

Being a good neighbour is important but that doesn’t mean you should allow her to disturb the peace and quiet of your home life.

Once you have made it clear how you feel, hopefully she will be understanding.

Dear Maggie

I’ve never written to an agony aunt in my life – I don’t know if men do that, but since my wife died two years ago I have found it very lonely living on my own.

Yes, family and friends include me in invitations to dinner now and then but it’s just not the same as having someone at home to talk to and share things with.

My daughter persuaded me to join a men’s group at her church and I enjoy that – we go bowling and visit the theatre once a month, but what I miss most is the companionship of a woman who understands how I feel. The thought of being alone forever is overwhelming and depressing.

Maggie Says

It is very difficult to lose the one person in our life with whom we shared our emotions. It doesn’t matter what age or sex you are – the loss of that special person is very poignant.

It takes time and a sprinkling of courage to get back out there. Why not join an evening class in a subject which interests you, or get involved in some voluntary work locally and widen your circle?

The more you show willing to make new friends, the likelier it is that you will meet someone with whom you can form a relationship. Those small first steps are challenging, but go for it. Good luck.