Peak wedding season is upon us but it seems as though nearly every conversation I’m having at the moment is about the pre-season friendlies or, sometimes, the not-so friendlies. We’re talking about the unstoppable rise of online dating.
More and more people seeking romance are searching in cyberspace and I have a growing number of friends, family and colleagues navigating the ups, downs, good, bad and downright awful world of the dating apps.
I hear repeatedly how tough it can be. “Soul- destroying” is frequently used to describe the endless scrolling, swiping through faces trying to make a potentially life-changing choice.
Then there are the profile pictures themselves. That image is the first impression so perhaps a relaxed holiday picture, a natural laughing shot with friends would work best?
Or perhaps more contentiously, a snap of you and your pet? Animal lovers might feel reassured that they’ll have some shared interests with a fellow dog or cat-owner. But please, whatever you do, don’t set your main image as a close-up of your Alsatian. True story.
And sometimes the decision about whether to have Rover as your wingman is the least of the issues. A smart, gorgeous friend of mine recently returned to the dating world but decided to search outwith her home patch. The results, just on the profile picture test, were not good.
“I swiped through what felt like the entire population of Edinburgh men between 49 and 59 and there were one or two that looked OK. Then there were some where their workmates had obviously said, two minutes previously: ‘Forget your ex, here I’ll take your picture and get it out there.’ Wherever I looked, there were pictures of men taken in a pub toilet or with a former girlfriend’s hand still round their waist or with their granny’s budgie in the background.” Her advice to prospective digital daters? “Put some effort in.”
There is “ghosting” (where someone stops replying to messages without warning). A connection is made with shared interests and humour and tentative plans. Then nothing. Meanwhile, “creative” profile descriptions can also be problematic. If the Advertising Standards Authority was to regulate dating profiles it would be a full-time job. Ages reduced by a decade or more and claims about sporting prowess that if true, would mean Scotland would have an awful lot more gold-medalling Olympians!
Blind dates still happen, of course, with varying degrees of success. My pal Steve was only meant to be going for a curry and a drink to see how it went. Twenty-six years on they are still happily married.
On the other hand, a relative complains about the £50 and two hours lost on a meal that he won’t get back but them’s the breaks.
Claire Digance, a humanist celebrant who married my wife and I, tells me: “If they don’t meet at school, uni or work, they meet through an app. I don’t know what the apps replaced but it’s a healthy proportion of couples, at least half”.
So if you’re looking for love (or at least someone nice to spend some time with) but are struggling to connect in the real world, take a deep breath and head online. Maybe leave your Alsatian out of the picture though and, remember, the person on the other end of that cyber chat has feelings. Just like you.
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