It is the time of year when the streets of Scotland’s capital swarm with entertainers – the good, the bad and the slightly desperate – trying to fill their Fringe shows.
Among the jugglers, mime artists, fire-eaters and expressive dancers, there are comics … lots and lots of comics.
Here, as they polished their punchlines before Edinburgh’s three-week showcase of high and low culture kicks off today, we asked some to share their best gags.
So, strap up your sides and get ready for laughs. Or possibly not.
I know that Banksy’s my Dad, because I never see him.
Before the Screaming Starts, Assembly Piccollo
I saw a witch and a lion trying to carry a huge wardrobe into next door. I asked what they were up to, they said “Narnia business”.
The Pear Tree
My Auntie Barbara won’t buy free range chickens because she says you don’t know where they’ve been.
Space Man, Pleasance
My mate came second in a Winston Churchill lookalike competition. He was close but no cigar.
Assembly George Square
I fully support the school strikers on climate change. I’m just annoyed they didn’t call it the minors’ strike.
It’s The End Of The World As We Know It, Pleasance
I was a small child. My mum used to mark mine and my brother’s heights on the door-frame every two months and mine stayed the same for so long people assumed I had died.
Snitch, Pleasance Above
My new boyfriend told me he’s got my face as his wallpaper, which I thought was cute until I saw his lounge.
Reality Check, Just the Tonic, Out Of The Box
I’ve got an Eton-themed advent calendar – all the doors are opened by my dad’s contacts.
I was buying a dishwasher online, so I searched by price lowest to highest – the top result was a sponge.
Persian Of Interest, Just The Tonic
Felix and the Scootermen
Did you hear about the flee that went to the moon… lunatic.
Self-help Yourself Famous, Underbelly
British people are like coconuts. Hard on the outside but sweet once you crack us. Also often found full of alcohol and holding an umbrella.
Tiles of the Unexpected!, Underbelly Dexter Room
My dad’s from the Republic of Ireland and my mum’s from the Islamic republic of Iran. They didn’t get married in a church or mosque. To make both sides of the family happy they got married in a Mecca bingo hall.
Started from the Bottom, Now I’m Here, Gilded Balloon
I’m pleased to be getting a beer belly. I’ve always wanted a father figure.
The Sunshine Clinic, Pleasance
I’m not very empathetic – but I have friends who are, so I just imagine how they must feel.