Donald MacLeod: PM’s nightmare before Christmas as Brexit plans go from bad to verse

Waxwork Boris and Theresa share the Christmas spirit (John Stillwell/PA Wire)

’TWAS the nightmare before Brexit, and a vote in the house,

The MPs were stirring, many foamed at the mouth.

Their arguments, their points, had been chosen with care,

In the vain hope that May, might alter her way.

They raged and they bickered, they fought tooth and nail,

They sniped and they name-called, and many turned tail,

Forgetting in vainglory the sick and the old,

The poor and the homeless, lying asleep in the cold.

Point scoring and screeching that they knew what’s right,

While the world, the electorate …looked on in fright.

The chamber erupted, there was such a clatter,

When the Attorney General stood up, to say he’d looked at the matter.

He said Northern Ireland would never be cast by the way,

That agreement had been reached between EU and May.

But together the house voted to see with their own eyes,

The full transcript that proved it was a pack of lies.

The Brexit backbenchers, erupted with fury,

Opposition Remainers became judge and jury.

The DUP claimed they were right all along,

That no solution existed and they had been wronged.

EU lied to us, the Nats cried in vain,

Scotland’s ignored, yet we voted remain.

The Liberals and the Green chundered democracy’s failing,

Mistakenly believing that all is plain sailing.

Their answer to Brexit, is to have a new vote,

Not realising a re-run sticks in many a throat.

Now Bojo! Now Mogg! Now Hammond and May!

On, Corbyn! On, Stammer! On, Dodds we dismay!

If you had worked together and found a cross party solution,

Instead of childish name calling, and causing confusion.

You would have found the public was better disposed,

To politics in general, not angry and opposed.

Like St Nick, May and her cabinet were tasked to deliver,

But not with reindeer who fly, over a country that shivers.

Because Brexit’s no fairytale led by a jolly, fat elf,

Who gets stuck in the chimney after eating food from the shelf.

It’s a car crash in waiting, a shambles from the start,

A problem needing adults not this pack of spoiled brats.

But deal or no deal, on the 11th we must have a decision,

One for the good of country, not political ambition.

Business needs facts, assured where it’s going,

Because jobs are at risk, reliant on the economy not slowing.

The NHS, education, new housing, roads and the trains,

All urgently need investment to get them moving again.

Austerity has crippled low earners, those on minimum wage,

Universal Credit will have them in a Christmas Day rage.

With families so poor that they can’t heat their homes,

It’s the food bank for dinner or stealing the dog’s bones.

So while Westminster bickers, rows and fails to agree,

But ironically joining forces to knock May off her tree.

The EU stance hardens, as they don’t have to worry,

As Christmas has come early, they don’t have to hurry.

For Bernier and Tusk, it’s a gift that keeps giving,

They don’t have to do anything to justify their rich living.

They can sit back, relax, until a new PM makes a call,

And under their terms, toast Brexit goodnight… and wish a Happy Christmas to all.

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