MPs are fed up with talking about badgers

A party of badgers and ferrets.

Owen Paterson, the Environment Secretary, visited a chocolate factory last week.

Nothing unusual in that, food is part of his brief and he’s entitled to a Time Out from the Parliamentary Rolo-coaster. But the scheduling was perhaps more than coincidental.

For back in the Commons MPs were debating badgers again. In previous sessions Paterson has been accused of “badgicide” leading him to storm out of the chamber muttering: “I’ve had enough of this”.

MPs have also had enough of the badger cull.

The policy had the noble aim of curbing TB in cattle but marksmen have failed to kill the number of badgers necessary to stop the disease and by scaring and scattering the creatures may have made the problem worse.

So while Paterson tried some sweets his deputy George Eustice had a sour experience in the chamber as members lined up to point out that at a cost of £4,121 per dead animal the Government could have got rid of each badger more cheaply by sending it on a 5-star holiday in the Algarve. With spending money.

St Albans MP Anne Main started things off only for her speech to be interrupted by her mobile ringing.

That’s usually a serious offence in the chamber but she was let off as she’s recovering from surgery and only just made it to lead the debate.

Main joked: “Perhaps it was a badger ringing me up and willing me on.”

Seems unlikely since badgers can’t use phones. But it would explain their success at avoiding the marksman’s bullet if they’re able to text the neighbouring sett and warn them to stay below ground.

Some supporters Eustice could’ve done without.

Loudest among the cull backers was Bill Wiggins, sometimes nicknamed Bungalow Bill (possibly because he doesn’t have a lot upstairs) who used his speech to introduce the Commons to his bull named Jackeroo and argue for leaving the EU.

Even Green Party MP Caroline Lucas muttered that he was “stupid” as he batted away her attempted intervention.

The vote when it came was 219 to 1 in favour of scrapping the cull. It doesn’t bind the Government but Labour’s Shadow Leader of the House pointed out it was remarkable Tory MPs chose to abstain on their own policy.

Like the badgers, the cull policy has been executed cruelly and incompetently two words that have a habit, justifiably or not, of attaching themselves to this Government, along with the impression that they can’t or won’t sweat the small stuff.

For example, Communities Secretary Eric Pickles took office on the back of his famous “chicken tikka declaration” that every English man and woman had a “fundamental right” to have their takeaway leftovers uplifted each week.

Given the size of him, leftovers are probably not much of a problem in the Pickles household.

Last week he admitted his promise to do away with fortnightly bin collections counted for nought and he couldn’t force councils to obey him.

It’s the sort of issue that appeals to Ukip voters.

The same people are obsessed with immigration and, on that score too, the Government is leaving it very late to implement an inevitable reverse ferret.

It’s plain that David Cameron’s pledge to get immigration down to the tens of thousands before the next election won’t happen.

The figure is still around 200,000 with just over a year till polling day.

All talk in Westminster will be of the Budget this week. The Chancellor’s talk of debt and deficits is important but intangible.

Badgers, bins and borders are more real to voters. Though they may be issues that don’t matter as much as the economy, they do still matter.