Maggie Listens: My son says that by keeping in touch with his ex-wife I am being disloyal

Looking for practical advice, relationship help or emotional support? As a mum of four, gran of eight and dear friend to many, Margaret Clayton’s years of experience make her the ideal person to turn to.

Are you struggling in these uncertain times? Contact Maggie for advice by emailing ps@sundaypost.com

Dear Maggie, My son and his wife separated earlier this year after what I had always thought was a happy married life. They have one teenage daughter and she now lives with her mum but has regular weekend and holiday visits her dad. Ruth comes for sleepovers with me and I really enjoy her company.

Last month, however, Ruth told me her mum has met a new man with whom she is in a relationship. My son is finding this hard to deal with and he has asked me to distance myself from his wife. I think he had always hoped he and his wife would get back together.

I told him I wanted to keep the relationship going with my daughter-in-law and granddaughter and he was angry and said I was being disloyal to him. I am worried about what to do. I don’t want to lose touch with Ruth but I also don’t want to hurt my son.

What is the best way to handle this delicate situation?

Maggie says: You are facing a difficult problem. Your first loyalty is to your son and granddaughter but I understand you are using good common sense by staying in touch with your daughter-in-law and not being judgmental.

You are doing the wisest thing for the three people you care about – your son, granddaughter and daughter-in-law. Try to explain to your son gently that you are doing this for the sake of him and Ruth. This is not disloyalty, it is in the hope that, with time, a calmer relationship can be established that will bring peace of mind and heart to each member of your family whom you care about.

If there is no hope of a reconciliation then, through time, hopefully your son and his ex-wife will be able to work out a way to treat each other with consideration for the sake of their daughter and yourself.

For now, try explaining to your son that your love and loyalty to him and your granddaughter Ruth is undiminished and that you will always be there for them.

It is very difficult for parents to be caught in the crossfire of a broken relationship but, with gentleness and non-judgemental kindness, you can help your son work his way through this.

I hope that in time, Marion, you and your family find the peace you are seeking.

Dear Maggie, I am sick and tired of the way life is at the moment. Every week the rules seem to change about what we are allowed to do.

Whose house can we visit? How many people can be together in the one place? Where can we go to for a meal or a few drinks with friends?

Obviously we all want to minimise the risk of getting Covid. Some people stick rigidly to the rules, others break them and I think all these weekly briefings and daily dismal news reports on TV don’t help. When can life get back to normal?

Maggie says: I wish I knew the answer to that one. Many of us share your feelings that life right now is pretty dismal and challenging.

But some day this pandemic will pass and normal service will be resumed.

Cheer yourself up by imagining the freedom of socialising, enjoying time with friends and family or booking a holiday.

Good times lie ahead Daniel. Stay strong.