A week of watching Davina McCall on The Jump wasn’t Childs play.
“It’s time for the women’s skeleton,” Channel 4’s announcer told us on Monday night but viewers expecting to see an interview with Victoria Beckham were greeted with the sight of Melinda Messenger and Anthea Turner hurling themselves down a toboggan run on a tea tray.
It wasn’t the only surprise about The Jump, which took 11 celebrities and a guy named Henry Conway to Austria and confronted them with what was described as “the most terrifying trial on television” spending a week responding to the inane questioning of Davina McCall.
Not everyone could hack it. Henry lived up to his Star Trek billing as the unknown guy most likely to get hurt and was teleported back to planet fashion after breaking a finger.
And Amy Childs froze at the thought of coming up with something intelligent to say to the hopeless host and, for all we know, is still standing at the top of the K15 ramp shaking her head and saying “I can’t do it” (I think Sir Steve Redgrave spoke for us all when he said “what’s the point of coming on a programme called The Jump if you’re not going to jump?”).
And what’s the point of having a microphone if all you’re going to say is “I loved that bit where” followed by a recounting of a fall, scream or funny moment that we’d all just watched. That’s not called interviewing, Davina, it’s being annoying.
Which brings me neatly to Sinitta, or Sinitears as she became known in my house, who misleadingly introduced herself as a pop singer rather than someone whose celebrity owes everything to clinging to Simon Cowell’s coattails for the past decade. That wasn’t her only misappropriation as she frequently told us she was going to “enjoy this” or “be good at that” only to prove as useful as a snowman at a smelting factory.
But the biggest surprise about The Jump is that the camaraderie of the celebrities taking part, the absurdity of Barry Davies quoting lyrics from the Pussycat Dolls and watching Alex Brooker worm his way into sharing schnapps with the winner every night, has made it oddly enjoyable viewing.
As a warm up for the Winter Olympics, Sochi has a tough act to follow.
The Jump is on Channel 4 from Sunday to Friday.
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