Lucy Porter on the Edinburgh Festival and why she’d spend her last day alive on the Falkirk Wheel

10 quick questions for comedienne Lucy Porter.

The Edinburgh Festival. Still exciting?

I’ve been going since I was 18. Then it was very exciting I’d see hundreds of shows and end up at the Penny Black postman’s pub at 6 a.m. Now I’m mostly at home with the kids, so it’s a bit less exciting personally, if not professionally.

Favourite comedian, alive or dead?

Dead Dave Allen. Alive Sarah Kendall.

Has becoming a mum made you a softie?

I cry a lot more, but that may just be exhaustion.

If you were given your own live TV show, what would you do with it?

My two favourite things are pub quizzes and animals, so it would be a quiz involving puppies and kittens. Pets Win Prizes meets Mastermind!

Is it true you were once asked to join in a wild party in a Swansea hotel?

I checked in without realising what sort of place it was. I got back after my gig and things were, shall we say, in full swing. I locked myself in my room and stuck a chair under the door handle.

Morrissey. Still got it or lost the plot?

Morrissey was the first great love of my life, so I choose to ignore anything he does that’s a bit daft.

Sarah Millican or Miranda Hart?

Both are lovely and funny. Sarah bought me a cream tea, and Miranda played my husband’s love interest in a TV show. I’ll go for Sarah since she’s plied me with jam and didn’t get off with my husband.

Your husband, Justin Edwards, is an actor. Which of you is more precious about reviews?

We’re old enough not to be bothered. I’ve had every type, from 1 to 5 stars, often for the same show.

Favourite punchline?

And the parrot said: “Hello, Keith!”

You’ve 24 hours left to live. How do you spend the time?

I’m a fan of rollercoasters, boating and Scotland, so I’d get them to run the Falkirk Wheel really, really, fast for the day. I’d invite all my friends for 24 hours of sailing, drinking and spinning around.

By Paul Coia