TV review The Big Painting Challenge

With the BBC having turned daily tasks such as baking, sewing and gardening into a TV contest, I’ve been waiting

expectantly for a reply to the programme idea I sent them The Great British Paint Off (BBC1, Sundays, 8pm).

In it, ten amateur DIY enthusiasts have an entire Bank Holiday weekend in which to decorate a spare bedroom, dining room and en suite bathroom. I even sent them photos of the rooms that need doing.

I thought I’d been plagiarised when I saw The Big Painting Challenge in their Sunday night schedules but the ten contestants were being judged on their ability to paint on canvas, not my kitchen wall.

Doing the judging were Scots artist Lachlan Goudie, son of Alexander, and Daphne Todd “OBE,” or Mrs Blunt as her husband lovingly calls her (she didn’t say whether she insists on Mrs Blunt “OBE” at home).

For the first week the amateur artists were taken to Alnwick Castle, “better known as Hogwarts,” according to presenter Richard Bacon although I know it pretty well as Alnwick Castle.

Being so close to home didn’t help Geordie Jan, a former police artist who struggled to draw things that weren’t wanted for burglary or assault.

With his bold lines, Jan was no impressionist but he was the spitting image of Johnny Nice, the artist from The Fast Show who had a breakdown every time he painted in black.

So it was much to my amusement that Lachlan whispered that he was “a bit worried about Jan” because he had a lot of black acrylic on his palette for his painting of the castle. I think we better be going home now, Jan.

Meanwhile, Swansea mum Amy introduced us to a novel way of working. “I’m not even looking at what I’m drawing,” she said, a concept which worked for Matisse apparently. It didn’t really work for Amy and Daphne Todd OBE commented that she had made a brilliant painting of a tree when she was actually meant to be painting the castle.

They both survived the ignominy of being first out because Melvyn was lacking in inspiration, although in a TV contest that is one step away from watching paint dry, I suspect his lack of comedy value compared to Jan counted against him.

Art is subjective, of course, and I actually thought Melvyn’s work was quite good. He’s certainly welcome to come and paint my downstairs toilet anytime.