Mother’s Day fell on the same date as baby’s death

She delights as always in the love and gifts from daughter Kirsty.

But she’s also filled with sadness as she thinks of son Finlay who died on Mother’s Day in 2005.

What makes it even more poignant is that this year Mother’s Day fell on March 6th, the same date of baby Finlay’s death.

Nurse Annie’s husband Gavin was away in Spain on business at the time.

Friend Heather and her daughter were staying with Annie, Finlay and Kirsty at the home the Glasgow-born couple had at the time in Carlisle.

“It was just a normal Saturday night in, sitting in the conservatory with the kids,” recalls Annie, 44.

“Finlay had a wee cold but I wasn’t worried about him at all.

“At about 4am he was a bit unsettled so I lifted him out of his cot and put him in the bed beside me. That was totally normal. I did that with both him and Kirsty.”

It was 8am when Annie woke to the nightmare that haunts her to this day. And, with a mother’s instinct, she says she knew right away that something awful had happened.

“I had a feeling of dread. Before I even turned round I knew it was too late for an eight-month-old to wake.

“He was dead in the bed beside me.

“I screamed for Heather. She’s also a nurse and so tried to resuscitate him.

“As a trained professional I knew it was futile. I phoned Gavin but all I could say was ‘Finlay’s dead’ before I hung up.”

It took Gavin 12 hours to get home, hours filled with paramedics and police, practicalities and procedures.

“I had to try and function for Kirsty, who was two, but I just wanted Gavin to be there.

“And to hold Finlay one more time. But the place becomes like a crime scene and you’re not allowed.”

The subsequent post-mortem recorded the cause of death as Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.

“You always think whether you could have done anything differently but I don’t think so,” says Annie. “He had seemed such a big, healthy boy.”

Although family rallied round, Annie found priceless support from the charity The Lullaby Trust, previously the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths. The Lullaby Trust operates in England, Northern Ireland. The Scottish charity for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome is The Scottish Cot Death Trust.

A book on coping became like a Bible to her, helping her realise it was something she could come through.

A telephone befriending service with those who had gone through similar tragedies also proved crucial.

Annie later ran the London Marathon to raise funds and she is speaking out ahead of the charity’s Safer Sleep Week which begins on March 14.

Annie and Gavin hoped to have another baby but she had an ectopic pregnancy a year after Finlay’s death.

They’ve watched Kirsty grow into a delightful 13-year-old but Annie admits she still finds herself popping into her room to check on her.

“Mother’s Day has always been a bit of a double-edged sword,” adds Annie, who now lives in the Black Isle.

“But I’m still his and Kirsty’s mum and I have to mark the day.”

Visit lullabytrust.org for information on the England, Wales and Northern Ireland support network.

For families in Scotland, visit the separate website www.scottishcotdeathtrust.org or phone the office on 0141 357 3946.  

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