Andy McLaren Football is in the grip of a mental health epidemic

“From the outside my life looked perfect. I had the fame, the success, the money but inside I just wanted to die.”

One minute Andy McLaren was an international footballer, earning good money, and playing in front of thousands of adoring fans every week.

The next, riddled with depression, he was trying to kill himself by ramming into a lorry at 80mph.

The 41-year-old has since emerged from the depths of despair to run a charity for disadvantaged kids. But his story is all too common and, as the case of troubled former Premier League star Clarke Carlisle shows, it’s one that often ends in tragedy rather than success.

Andy, who plied his trade with eight senior clubs including Dundee United, Kilmarnock and Reading, believes football is in the grip of a mental health epidemic. He wants more help for players as they leave the industry to stem the tide of tragic suicides linked to the game.

He said: “One minute you are adored, playing in front of 30,000 fans and everyone wants to be your pal. Then you are not. There is no preparation for it. When your career ends you think your phone will ring and there will be opportunities. You are finished at 35 in most cases.

“Football is such a false life, you are so protected. I know players that don’t know how to book a holiday or insure a car. Not everyone adapts.”

Dozens of professional football players have struggled with depression after quitting the game.

The tragic toll includes former Wales boss Gary Speed, 42, whose wife found him hanged, and Germany keeper Robert Enke, 32, who stepped in front of a train in 2009.

More recently, former English PFA chairman Carlisle threw himself in front of a lorry three days before Christmas. The ex-Premier League star, 36, who battled depression for 18 months, sobbed: “I wanted to die”. He’s just been released from hospital.

Similar tragedies have hit players in Scotland, including ex-Falkirk defender Forbes Johnston, 35, Motherwell’s Paul McGrillen, 37, and Hibs legend Erich Schaedler, 36.

There are now warnings that life away from the glare of the stadium lights quickly becomes dark for many who fall foul of the multi-billion pound industry.

Andy knows what the players who struggle are going through and knows how they feel, having been taken to the brink of despair himself.

A former alcoholic and drug user, he had been dry for six years when he stared into the abyss during a car journey from Edinburgh to Glasgow. Suffering from depression and feeling he was dragging his family down, twice in the space of 60 seconds he accelerated hard at a lorry.

However, passing the well-known pyramids by the side of the motorway near Livingston, West Lothian, Andy was suddenly reminded of being in the car previously with son Tyler telling him “that’s where the Teletubbies live”.

The innocent, happy recollection was enough to snap Andy back to reality. His hands tightened on the steering wheel and he couldn’t bring himself to turn into the truck he’d selected.

He re-lived the terrifying 2006 experience to underline just how easily mental health issues can take a grip of footballers.

The former winger, who also had spells with Dundee, Morton and Ayr United, added: “A lot has been said about mental health issues because of Clarke Carlisle and Jack Syme. It’s tragic. We must keep this awareness going and keep addressing it.

“I understand why footballers and other sports people struggle to cope after they have retired. Football is such a macho sport and a decade ago it would have been seen as a sign of weakness to admit to mental health issues.

“I was driving through to Livingston recently and had a flashback to that day I wanted to end my life. I wasn’t the same guy back then compared to who I am now and how I feel about life.

“I knew I had issues and had to face up to life. The biggest thing was being brave enough to speak to someone and I was lucky to find a psychologist, Angela Maguire. She saved me.”

He wrote his autobiography to confront his demons and make others aware a player’s life is not all glamour. The book led to Q&A sessions in schools and with businesses and then to a job with a charitable organisation called A&M training to help take kids from schemes off the streets, away from the temptation of drink, drugs and crime. It’s been highly praised by Police Scotland, Holyrood and Westminster.

However it also gave Andy a new perspective on life and he hasn’t looked back.

As we met, there was a calmness and happiness to Andy. Thankfully, he is clearly at peace with himself in his job and family life.

He said: “When you come from a scheme in the West of Scotland you don’t open up about having a bad day. You bottle it up and go and get drunk. I don’t drink any more. I’m 15 years sober next month. March 14th. Now, I’m not tempted to touch a drop. My life is better.

“I’m with A&M and I use my experiences in life in terms of alcoholism and drug abuse. All the kids we work with are aware of my past and they can speak to me about it. I’m an open book, so to speak. I get as much out of it as the kids do. I never thought I’d be a coach or a manager but I did write in the final chapter of my book, Tormented, that I wanted to speak to young people about the pitfalls in life. So, seven years on, this is what has evolved.

“I had a vision but I didn’t know how to put it into practice. Then I met Robert McHarg and he had experience of the business side of it and the contacts to get it going so we chapped a few doors as A&M.

“We’re very proud of the way it has grown. The company has been going for six years. We got our charity award just before Christmas, a great feeling. We were invited to the Houses of Parliament and that was a privilege.

“Lots of people in different walks of life need help. We can all do our bit.”