The 10 dates that shaped Fred MacAulay’s life

Radio star and comedian Fred MacAulay reveals the 10 key dates in his life.

APRIL 1970

I went to Blairgowrie High School but my dad got transferred to Perth with his job and we moved to Scone.

Because I’d taken I don’t think I could say studied Latin, I was sent to Perth Academy, not Perth High School like all the other kids.

It was a huge thing for me. I remember standing at the bus stop with everyone looking at this new kid in a different uniform.

Despite being told not to, I panicked and got on their bus instead of the special Academy one. I’ve no idea what I was thinking. A kindly conductress put me off after two stops.

When I finally got to the school I met the guys I’m still friendly with now. They all had a great sense of humour and that was really significant as it was something I always wanted to develop. It influenced me hugely.

MAY 19, 1988

That’s the first time I ever stood on stage with a microphone and told a joke.

I know the date because it was the day after my fourth wedding anniversary and, unbeknownst to my wife Aileen, I’d put my name down for a So You Think You’re Funny? competition.

It was at the Mitchell Theatre in Glasgow and I wanted to go along to see what the rest of the comedians were like.

I didn’t want to tell her what I was doing and I think it showed a degree of trust that I was sloping off on our anniversary. I needn’t have bothered as I didn’t even get placed!

SEPTEMBER 29, 1986, JANUARY 19, 1988 & AUGUST 10, 1990

Those are the birthdates of our three children, Cara, Jack and Iain. Nobody is going to go through life without highlighting such a significant part of it.

I can still remember all the emotions of being a dad and holding Cara for the first time.

It was slightly different with the boys. My wife maintains I fell asleep during one of her labours I insist it was just a particularly long blink.

LATE 1975

I can’t put an exact date on it but that’s when Aileen and I first met. I was at university in Dundee and I was friends with Aileen’s sister Sheila who was studying medicine.

I was 19, she’d have been 16. She was just the cheeky wee sister of a friend. We didn’t start going out until 1981 but we’d corresponded by letter during those years.

After we got married I discovered Aileen still had the letters. I’ve never read them as I’d be too embarrassed.

MARCH 2003

That’s when I lost my dad. He had suffered from prostate cancer but had radiotherapy and was doing fine until he got mesothelioma.

He had inhaled asbestos when he was a young man and 52 years later it killed him. I was with him when he died and I found that very reassuring. But I wasn’t with my mum when she died and that’s something I regret.

She’d had a lot of heart problems and two major operations. We’d spent time with her but I had come down for a gig in Paisley and got a call saying she’d deteriorated.

I was halfway back up when I got a call saying she was away. I think I’d like to go like my dad, with family around me.

AUGUST 1993

It was my first one-man show at the Edinburgh Fringe. I’d been there since 1989, doing parts of shows. As a young stand-up you’re trying to extend your material and develop your skills on stage.

This was my first chance to do a full hour and it was a big step. It was at the Gilded Balloon. Tickets sold well and it was the first of four years there.

People started to notice me and Niall Clark, who was a script editor at the BBC, brought me in. He told me they liked what I was doing, although there was nothing for me at the minute. Just to be told the BBC knew me was huge.

OCTOBER 1997

Two major things happened. I was playing tennis during a family holiday in Florida when I broke my leg. I was incredibly painful, with my foot at a ridiculous angle.

I was operated on by a Dr Shapiro who had photos and a thank you letter on the wall from Monica Seles. I remember thinking if he was good enough for her, he was good enough for me.

But that month was also when I started McCoist And MacAulay with Ally and myself going round the country, me with my leg in plaster.

To this day I have that plaster, bearing Kylie Minogue’s autograph. A lot of people will have her autograph but I bet few have it on a plaster.

MAY 1991

That was when my son Jack was diagnosed with type A diabetes. It was such a big thing for the whole family as everyone had to learn what to do if he took unwell.

And he certainly did, having severe hypos that saw him dislocate his shoulder and bite his tongue. The whole family’s diet changed, including a lot less chocolate. I’ll still nag him if need be to make sure he keeps well.

JANUARY 2011

I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro to raise funds for Diabetes Research and got altitude sickness. When you’re not being sick you have diarrhoea but you have to keep eating as you are burning off 8,000 calories a day.

On a week-long trip people were losing up to a stone. It’s one heck of a diet! The views were fantastic and some of my favourite photos are of the sunrise.

But I was 54 when I did it and it was the most homesick I felt in my life. With no communications I felt very, very remote.

JANUARY 2001 & SEPTEMBER 2003

These were two milestone military moments. I spoke at the RAF Lossiemouth officer’s mess and as a reward Ewan McGregor’s brother Colin flew me around in a Tornado jet.

It was phenomenal. I got to fly it over Loch Tay for about eight seconds. When I went to Iraq in 2003 to entertain the troops it’s the one time in my life I’ve consciously deceived my wife.

There were a lot of fire fights going on and I didn’t want her worrying, so I told her I was going to Kuwait. It gave me one of my best-ever opening jokes but I still use it so I’m not sharing it.