Mary Berry, Hollywood’s caring friend

Bake Off presenter Paul Hollywood, who has left his wife after 14 years of marriage, is getting support from his colleague and friend, Mary Berry.

She’s told him that she’s there for him whatever happens. It’s what friends do.

But no-one can pretend it’s easy when one of your friends or someone in your family separates from their husband or wife. Without meaning to or wanting to you often get caught in the middle.

There are two sides to every story. You can easily understand how hard it is for the person you care about to be facing the break-up of a relationship.

With all your heart you want to help them but it’s almost impossible to do that without appearing to take sides.

When a marriage is breaking up both partners feel vulnerable. They need to offload to the people closest to them. Their feelings are raw. They desperately need non-judgemental advice.

I’ve been there with people close to me, and it’s never easy to know what to say or do.

Both people in a break-up are often indignant, feel wronged and want to catalogue the faults and failings of their partner who has let them down.

It’s your job to listen no matter how irrational they are. When a man or woman’s pride is wounded and their heart is aching, it’s not the time to lecture. Just be available.

Some couples do manage to separate or divorce with a degree of grace and even to stay friends. But that’s rare. And it takes time to get there.

In the beginning there are all the stages of anger, accusations and he said/she said rants.

If you’re asked for advice choose your words carefully.

Some years ago a close friend of mine decided to leave her marriage. I could absolutely understand why she had every reason to want to do so. I felt it was right to support her through her decision.

When she left, my husband and I continued to be friends with her ex. We’d socialised as couples, we saw no reason to take sides. Both were good people, nothing had changed that.

Except it had. She found our attitude disloyal and years of friendship ended. I’ve always regretted that, but I’m not sure I could have handled it any differently.

So my thoughts are with anyone who is coping with this situation. It’s one of the toughest emotional challenges.

All you can do is be honest, be kind and understand that hurting makes us act out of character sometimes.

So be there when you’re needed and for however long that takes.

Just as Mary Berry is doing.