Sir Ken Dodd says he’ll never retire and is happiest when in front of an audience

EVEN though he’s heading towards his 90th birthday, Sir Ken Dodd is taking his tickling sticks well beyond Buckingham Palace — where he was recently knighted — for his 64th annual tour.

“I’ve been round more times than an EP,” said Doddy.

“Most people have never heard of an EP, but it stood for ‘extended play’ — it’s something you do when you’re younger. When you get older, you’re more like a single with a crack in it.

“People remember things like EPs. Vinyl is coming back, you know — I didn’t know it had been away.

“We still have vinyl lino in our kitchen.

“Always remember that these are tomorrow’s good old days — that’s another way of saying that things are going to get worse!”

Doddy is nothing less than amazing.

He’s touring various parts of the country, and skips on stage every night carrying his famous Big Bass Drum to be greeted by standing ovations before he’s even spoken.

“People are wonderful,” he said. “Where would we be without people? I wouldn’t be standing here for a start! When I go on stage, I feel totally at home.”

As well as comedy, Doddy is, of course, famous for his many million-selling records. So what does he have to say about today’s music?

“If music be the food of love . . . it’s no wonder I often get indigestion!” he laughed.

“It’s difficult to understand some of today’s lyrics.

“And what about that thump-thump-thump stuff. It sounds like someone driving past in a washing machine!

“I love music, of course, but mostly I like the old songs — they don’t write romantic songs like Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight? any more.”

Every autumn, Ken Dodd can be seen at one of his favourite venues, the Blackpool Grand Theatre, but for the rest of the year, he travels from Bournemouth to Bridlington and London to Llandudno.

Most nights, he returns to his home in Liverpool suburb Knotty Ash.

“I always try to go home after each show, no matter how far it might be,” he said.

“The roads have improved over the years because there are more of them and they are wider, but there are still more roadworks per mile than fuel stations.

“There are so many traffic jams, though, that I am worried that they are going to start making congestion charges on the motorways!

“I like to go home because I love Liverpool.

“I’ve lived here all my life and have never wanted to live anywhere else.

“In fact, I’ve lived in the same house all these years and that’s great as I have never had to move.

“They say it is one of the most- traumatic times, moving house. Circus people must be under a lot of stress as they move every week.

“Think of all the things Liverpool has given the world — The Beatles, strikes, police walking around in twos, the Merseybeats — that’s not the same as police walking around in twos — the ferry across the Mersey, winning the European Cup, compensation and next year, Liverpool is going to be the city of culture and everyone will have to speak English as good as what we do.”

Liverpool is also famous for Aintree and that means horse racing.

“I’ve always liked horse racing except the horses are always faster,” Doddy chuckled.

“Still, it is good exercise and I would not be the fine figure of a man I am today if it were not for horse racing and all the pounds it’s lost me.

“I’ve never been much of a gambler — butterflies have more flutters than me — but I like the spectacle and it proves such great employment for the Diddymen, who dress up in all kinds of colours and ride the horses.

“Aintree started with a convention of dentists, you know — they all turned up for the Grand Gnashional.”

Is Doddy ever serious?

“Oh yes, especially in restaurants when they bring the bill,” he said.

Ken has a weakness for cream cakes, saying: “I do like cream cakes ever since I saw the bomb squad dispose of an unexploded meringue.

“When I met my first real agent, he ordered cream cakes with our tea. I thought that he must be a good agent because he knew how to live well.

“Then I realised I had to pay for them and I thought that he must be a great agent because he got me to pay for something he wanted.

“Most of all, I like those big puff-pastry things with enough cream to fill a pillow and a giant squirt of jam.

“Of course, in hard times, we couldn’t afford cream cakes, so we scraped soap suds off the tin tub with an old pie crust.”

In a more-serious moment, Ken admits he’s never happier than when he is in front of an audience.

“I have always been the same,” he said. “When I was a lad, my father used to take the family to the theatre to see all the great acts of the day.

“I was smitten and have loved it ever since. My dad bought me a ventriloquist doll, which we called Charlie Brown.

“He wrote me a script and I used to go to old people’s homes and charity events to entertain them. I was only little, but I loved it. I still do.

“I love turning up at the theatre, getting ready in the dressing room and hearing the audience arrive and then hearing your music and getting out there onto the stage.

“I’m not against television, though — in fact, there’s a little one-eyed idol to the north of our front room — that’s the telly, and what a little box of tricks.

“It is a marvellous invention and takes us all over the world, into people’s homes — sometimes when they’re not expecting it!

“What would we do without television? We’d spend more time listening to The Archers, that’s what we would do!

“I like some TV and some radio, but for me, a live show is the best.”

But whether for his antics on stage or TV, Ken was sincerely honoured to be awarded a knighthood, even if he prefers to still be called Doddy.

“I’m very honoured to become Sir Doddy,” he said, but quickly added: “Mind you, I should hate to be called Sir because it might make me sound like a school teacher and that would never do.

“It was a great day and one I shall always remember,” Ken said of his trip to Buckingham Palace to receive his gong.

“I was nervous, but I have been to the Palace before, of course — remember, I used to be a door-to-door salesman.

“I have appeared before the Royal Family many times, but this was very different.

“You ask yourself questions like: ‘Did I wash my neck this morning?’ or ‘Has Prince William had fencing lessons?’

“There was a lovely buffet — I used to think that was something you got at a lady’s hairdressers.

“When it all went quiet after I got home, I thought how fortunate I am.

“I have a great job that makes people laugh and now I am a Sir.

“I had always wondered what it would be like to be a Sir.

“I don’t really think of myself as a Sir now, though — I’m just Doddy from Knotty Ash and I have more than my share of Happiness.”

It seems Doddy is going to be touring even past his 90th birthday in November.

“I’m never going to retire,” he said with absolute determination.

“Why would I want to? I am enjoying myself.

“I’ve cut back a bit, the show is now only about five hours and I’m not out every night like I used to be, but I still get the same thrill every time I go on stage and it seems people still want to come and see me, so I’ll keep going for as long as possible.

“Another 10 years and I might get a telegram from the Queen, or perhaps she’ll bring it to the theatre personally.

“She’s a lovely lady and she knows all the words to Happiness!”

Happiness is a word that will forever be associated with Ken, of course.

“Wouldn’t it be marvellous if everybody on the planet was truly happy?” he said.

“Surely the best use of our lives is to enhance other people’s, especially with laughter. A chuckle a day keeps the doctor away.

“Anyway, how can anyone retire from Happiness?”