The Big Flower Fight review: Bloomin’ good, but not as yummy as Bake Off

The triumph of the Great British Bake Off is to make you feel invested in the cakey goodness.

While you may never have created a multi-tiered pistachio and saffron-flavoured waterfall made of profiteroles the chances are you’ve attempted a basic fairy cake at some point and can thus at least sympathise with the hapless bakers in a small way. Or at least imagine reaching into the television to grab a fistful of pristine showstopper to cram into your greedy gob.

Bake Off’s many imitators often forget that relatability, with Netflix’s The Big Flower Fight being the latest to do so.

Here, contestants make competing floral arrangements – although not the limp bundle of lilies you give to your aunt after her cat died.

Aunt Mavis wouldn’t appreciate some of the humongous floral offerings found on The Big Flower Fight, unless she lives in an aircraft hangar.

The teams of two on TBFF are immediately tasked with constructing colossal insects, a bit like the movie Them! crossed with the Chelsea Flower Show.

You might appreciate the wizardry of TBFF but it doesn’t quite deliver that Bake Off feeling – where you want to get the rolling pin out yourself.

Perhaps you can relate to a giant floral effigy. In which case shouldn’t you be constructing a giant wicker man somewhere?

The Big Flower Fight, Netflix

Return To Real Kashmir, BBC Scotland

There’s a moment in Return To Real Kashmir FC which sums up its likeable star, Davie Robertson.

His cobbled together team of unfancied footballers have just beaten Indian league winners Chennai City.

“You guys never amaze to ****ing surprise me,” said Davie, proudly.

You know what he means by this, it’s just that Davie can’t help but mangle his phrases and throw in more appalling language than my standard grade French verbal exam.

Let’s hope there’s another fixture in this enjoyable football saga.