Meet the ‘Demi Girls’, each facing up to the challenge of living with a husband who has early-onset dementia

CHATTING and smiling away, these women look like lifelong pals enjoying a catch-up.

It’s a familiar scene, but these close friends have actually only known each other since the turn of the year.

They’re all busy 50-somethings from Lanarkshire with plenty in common, but it’s one issue in particular that has brought them together – each of their husbands has early-onset dementia.

Megan Black, Carol-Ann Jamieson, Ray Fallan and Grace Rarity are four of the six-strong support group who call themselves the Demi Girls.

While bad news introduced them, these feisty and determined ladies are determined to use their collective strength and experience to help not only each other through the challenging days ahead, but also to support other couples facing up to similar situations.

“We’re each other’s comfort blanket,” said Grace, from Coatbridge.

“If I’m having a bad day I can message them – we’ve set up a private group online – and we share the good and the bad.

“It’s been my lifeline.”

Grace’s husband, Ian, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s two years ago, when he was 55.

She continued: “When you have a bad day you get sympathy from family and friends, but those in the group actually understand those bad days and that really helps.”

Carol-Ann and husband Jim, who was diagnosed with Lewy Body dementia last August, were keen to meet other people of a similar age who were living with dementia.

“Before we met the others we felt so lonely, like we were the only ones going through this,” admitted Carol-Ann, from Bellshill.

“But once we started speaking with everyone else, we realised our situation wasn’t unique.”

The group, which also includes Carol and Ian Smith from Uddingston and Sheila and Bill Donaldson from Motherwell, was formed after the local Alzheimer Scotland dementia adviser, Lorna Hart-Thomson, introduced Megan to Carol.

Carol’s husband, Ian, has Alzheimer’s, having been diagnosed four years ago at the age of 60.

“Lorna’s our Cilla Black, matching us up,” smiled Megan, from Glenboig.

Her husband Stewart, 58, has been living with early-onset vascular dementia for seven years.

“Stewart and I wanted to meet people of the same age, so we were introduced to Carol and Ian, and then Carol-Ann and Jim.

“It’s only six months since we formed the group, but what a difference it has made to us in that time.

“We all come up against the same brick walls on this journey and we help each other over them.”

One of those brick walls is the fact their husbands are under 65, which means they are not eligible for care support.

That means the majority of the women have to juggle work while also supporting their husbands, not to mention dealing with the usual family responsibilities and stresses.

With so much on the go it’s not easy for the entire group to meet up in person regularly, but one social activity many of them make it along to is the popular monthly dining club hosted by Drumpellier Golf Club in Coatbridge, organised in association with Alzheimer Scotland.

Carol-Ann said: “We have six people in the group already but there are probably lots more out there just from this area that could benefit from it. I come from a medical background and thought I knew all about dementia, but I soon realised I didn’t.

“We’re all strong and passionate about what we are trying to do and we’ve taken more strength from each other.

“It’s not just about helping one another – we want to help others, too.”

Ray’s husband James has frontotemporal lobe dementia and corticobasal degeneration (CBD), a rare, progressive neurodegenerative disease.

His symptoms began six years ago, when he was 50, but he was only diagnosed with dementia in November and very recently received a primary diagnosis of CBD.

“The group is the best thing that’s happened to us since the diagnosis,” admitted Ray, from Shotts.

“We have different circumstances from older generations, so it was important we found other people our age going through the same thing.

“Our husbands meet every fortnight in Costa in Coatbridge.

“This is something they’ve organised themselves, rather than through the charity.

“They talk about everything in these sessions – except their dementia.”

The women are looking forward to this year’s Memory Walks, not only to meet more families affected by dementia, but to help raise funds and awareness that will lead to additional services and dementia advisers like Lorna being employed around the country.

Megan, who came up with the Demi Girls name for the group, added: “Alzheimer Scotland has been our crutch, so it’s important we do what we can to support them.”

Memory Walks will take place at 17 locations throughout Scotland in August and September.

The walks are perfect for all ages and abilities, and give families the chance to come together to make their mark and pay tribute to someone close to them.

Registration for a Memory Walk is £10 for adult walkers, £5 for 12-16-year-olds and under-12s walk for free.

Visit memory walksscotland.org to find out more and to register.

If you have any questions about dementia or the services in your area, call Alzheimer Scotland’s free 24-hour helpline on 0808 808 3000 or email helpline@alzscot.org