The reality TV star talks about wedding number four and her dreams for the future with husband-to-be, Ryan Mahoney and her five children.
How exciting was it to have super-stylist Gok Wan, host of Say Yes To The Dress, guiding your choice of wedding outfit?
At first I felt embarrassed; like I wasn’t entitled to be there and to be happy about my wedding as I had been married so many times.As much as I love Ryan, without the show I wouldn’t be as excited about it.
How do you feel about marriage?
When I married my first husband (Westlife star Brian McFadden) it was all I ever wanted.
When that broke down, I felt such shame that my kids had this broken home. I thought: “I’ve got to get married. I’ve got to fix this”. I kept doing the same thing over again. I was 36 when my last marriage failed. I thought: “No more men, I’m done.”
Is Ryan The One?
It’s very different with Ryan. It took him two-and-a-half years to propose. It was a slow burn but three years later he’s still here. He is not only my life partner, he is my business partner. I’m entitled to be loved, and I deserve to love somebody else.
When did he pop the question?
On my 40th birthday during a family holiday to Spain. I don’t really celebrate my birthday so it was lovely.
Do you want more children?
Ryan doesn’t have any children of his own and I would love for him to have a child. I have been there and done all that; I physically couldn’t have another child. But we have spoken about having my eggs frozen.
I would have a child the surrogacy-way for Ryan but it is not at the top of our list right now. We have just moved house and are just getting settled and getting our businesses up and running.
You had a difficult childhood. What’s your relationship with your mum like now?
A lot of people don’t understand why I talk to my mum but I love her to bits. She is not the person she used to be.
What does the future hold?
A bit of normality. I have never had that. I just want to enjoy my life and create wonderful memories with my family.
What are your biggest life lessons?
Forgiveness and taking responsibility. For many years I felt the world owed me a favour. It was my mum’s fault for my childhood (four sets of foster parents, three refuges, eight different schools) and it was Brian’s fault for leaving me.
I was just stuck. I had to let that go and just forgive everybody. I had to hold my hand up and take some kind of responsibility for it.
Say Yes To The Dress Lancashire, Friday, 8pm on TLC and available to stream on Discovery+
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