Maggie Listens: I thought moving home would do my grieving mum the world of good but it hasn’t worked out

Dear Maggie

I grew up in a lovely village in the north of Scotland where my dad was the local doctor but came to Edinburgh as a student where I met my husband.

We bought a house on the east coast and we’ve had a lovely life and feel part of the local community. Sadly my dad died earlier this year and I began to realise mum wasn’t coping well. She has become very forgetful and tries to cover it up with excuses.

So we persuaded her to come and live closer to us and she has bought a flat near where we live. I went up to help her clear the house and pack up her belongings and it was the saddest thing I’ve ever witnessed. She was trying to be brave but she looked lost, lonely and confused as she said goodbye to the home where she’d been so happy.

It’s good to have her close by and I see her every few days and sometimes she’s bright and breezy and other times it’s clear to me she regrets leaving her home. I blame myself for persuading her to move house before she was ready to do so. I thought I was doing the right thing – now I’m not sure.

Maggie says

You have to stop being so hard on yourself. You suggested what you thought was best for your mum – to make a new life for herself close to you and she was happy to do that.

But the ageing process is complex – and sometimes changing the familiar pattern of our life is a bit more difficult than we thought. A new home, new neighbours, new routines can be daunting at first.

I think in time your mum will feel confident enough to start enjoying her new home. She may join a local church and make friends there. Slowly, bit by bit, she will hopefully settle into her new home and begin to make the most of this new stage in her life.

Don’t expect this to happen immediately – changing your lifestyle when you are older can be challenging. But it’s now up to her to enjoy her retirement with her loving family close by.

Dear Maggie

I am just sick and tired of all the daily briefings we get on the TV news about what we can and can’t do because of coronavirus. Is there anything else happening in the world? It feels like almost every single day either Boris Johnson or Nicola Sturgeon are lecturing us on some new rule or restriction on our personal freedom. I don’t know about you but I am bored to death listening to it all. Don’t get me wrong – I follow the regulations and wear my face mask and practise social distancing but I just wish life could return to normal.

Maggie says

You are not alone in finding this a challenging time. Pandemics seldom are. Our politicians have a massive task on their hands trying to come up with the right answers to problems we have never had to face before. I don’t envy them. It’s a huge responsibility making the decisions which affect the health and wellbeing of our population…but there are days when it can seem overwhelming.

Let’s hope that before too long all the hard work, sacrifices and challenges of the past months will be eased, especially with the news that a vaccine is showing encouraging results.

Now, wouldn’t a cure for Covid be the best Christmas present?