Maggie Listens: I caught my wife having an affair with her boss. Is there any hope for our marriage?

Our resident agony aunt, Maggie Clayton, is on-hand to help with readers’ problems. This week, she advises a heartbroken husband who caught his wife cheating with her boss.

Dear Maggie

My wife Shona and I have been very happily married for 24 years and our two daughters are planning a silver wedding party for us later this year. But 2020 has brought some unwelcome surprises to our marriage.

My wife Shona works as a legal secretary. This year her boss retired and she was a bit anxious at first if she could work as happily with the new man at the helm because he was a real “mover and shaker” she said, who had lots of new ideas about how to run the business.

She was promoted to senior secretary and got a substantial pay rise and I noticed she was treating herself to smart new clothes, a hairdo once a week and lot of face creams and perfume.

One evening I called in at her office as a surprise to take her out and I met her new boss. He made some pleasant comments about Shona and her work but there was something flirtatious about the way he looked at her which made me uncomfortable.

Six weeks later I got the shock of my life when I received an anonymous letter at home asking if I was aware that my wife was having an affair with her boss?

When I showed it to Shona she laughed and said, “Don’t be ridiculous. Why would I do that?”

I believed her and agreed that it was just jealousy because she had been offered a promotion. But somehow from that day on our relationship changed. She was edgy, I was a bit suspicious because she was frequently having “nights out” with her friends.

Finally, I’m ashamed to admit this, but after another evening when she said she wouldn’t be home till late, I went to her office. Surprise, surprise she was leaving with her boss. I followed them and at the next street corner he turned towards her and kissed her.

I felt sick with anger. What a fool she had made of me.

That night when she came home we had a blazing row. Then she packed a suitcase and left. We haven’t spoken for six weeks. Some days I want her back. Other days I feel so betrayed I never want to see her again. Is there anything I can do?

Maggie Says

You clearly still love your wife but you must be hurting badly. You may not feel like it right now, but it is vital that the two of you meet and talk to each other about what has happened.

Be honest about how you feel but if you want to make a go of your marriage, listen carefully to what Shona is saying.

Perhaps there are things you could change which would help you both to make a fresh start.

Dear Maggie

I have three grandchildren and I love them to bits but my daughter-in-law says I spoil them.

They are aged eight, six and three years old – and what’s wrong in buying sweets and toys and books for them?

Maggie Says

Yes, I must admit that grandparents do have a right to indulge their grandchildren – but parents also have a right to say “enough is enough”.

Try and understand that their mum wants them to have moderation in the books and toys they get and the sweet treats too. Sometimes less is more.