Maggie Clayton: Thank you for caring but I know how to choose a cauliflower

Growing old brings its own challenges – but coronavirus is a humdinger.

Suddenly if you are 60-plus you are “at risk” and, boy, do family and friends not let you forget it.

In the past week we’ve had phone calls and visits from our children wanting to know if we need them to do our shopping or take us to the doctor’s surgery?

“Thank you, but we are fine. No need to fuss,” I try to say politely, but I do weary of explaining we are still fit, healthy and capable of visiting a supermarket, putting fresh veg, fruit and meat in a trolley, thank you very much.

They mean well and I know I should accept their kind offers with a good grace, but they have their reasons and like to air them.

“Well, you know at your age you’re in the high-risk category if you caught coronavirus,” they say, then add: “And dad is a wee bit older and diabetic.”

“Yes of course I know that,” I say snippily, “I haven’t quite lost my marbles yet.”

But it’s hard not to sound like a cranky old lady when your children begin to believe you need help to choose a decent cauliflower.

This cursed disease which is grabbing the headlines has turned everyone over the age of 60 into a supposedly helpless case who needs to be wrapped in cotton wool.

I wish I could be gracious and sound suitably grateful. But to be honest it drives me mad. I am not a statistic. I am not in need of daily visits or people doing my shopping or fetching my prescription from the chemist.

They mean well – of course they do – but my independence is precious to me.

Now I know it’s reassuring so many people want to do their bit for ageing relatives, friends and neighbours, but I’d just like to invite those caring individuals to remember one thing – our self-respect is very much tied up with our ability to be capable, active and self-sufficient. So treat us as you always did. We value your visits and enjoy your company – but let us be who we’ve always been.

Of course, it’s good to know so many younger people are caring and concerned about us. It reflects well on their emotional intelligence and compassion – so please don’t stop.

But, if I’m absolutely honest, it’s the first time I’ve ever realised I’ve moved from being “middle aged” to being a “golden oldie”. And it takes a little getting used to.

So, please kids, don’t get too anxious about our health, our energy levels and whether we are doing too much. It’s the little moments of thoughtfulness and kindness which can matter so much.

So a big thank you to all the people who have called on neighbours and offered to shop for them. And who have just “popped round for a visit” to see if they need anything.

Conquering coronavirus is not going to be swift or easy. But it has in some magical way tapped into something important in human nature and brought out the best in us.

What a great blessing that is and long may it continue.