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TV Review: Posh Pawn

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A spot of bother with James Bond’s hover.

I have (safely) in my possession a bronze medal from the first Olympic Games in Athens in 1896.

I always thought this would see me realise my dream of buying a yacht in retirement until I had it valued and found out there were 20,000 of them struck and there were three for sale on eBay.

Far from being awarded to the athlete in third place as I’d imagined, they’d been sold to people who attended the Games as well as being presented to everyone who participated. Turns out it will just about cover the cost of a boating holiday.

My medal would not, therefore, be of interest to James Constantinou and the people of Prestige Pawnbrokers.

The first 10 minutes of this programme were taken up with different ways to describe the affluence of Surrey (“well-heeled,” “wealthy commuter belt” “Britain’s Beverly Hills”) and with James stressing his business was “high-end.”

As if to prove the point even further, the second series’ opening episode featured a former footballer and a former glamour model although their items for sale were vastly different.

Footballer James lived up to his billing by pulling up in a fast car and trying to flog two Rolex watches he’d bought when he’d signed a £70,000-a-year contract with Chelsea. Sadly, injury had called time on his fledgling career at 18.

Quite unexpectedly, Page 3 girl Michelle was not trying to sell her unused bras from her heyday but an oil painting of Saddam Hussein that her paratrooper husband had “rescued” from one of his Presidential Palaces during the Gulf War.

It turned out there’s no value in a deposed despot and the painting was returned to her kitchen wall (I kid you not).

But the item that had James’ juices flowing was a mini-hovercraft used by James Bond in the 2002 movie Die Another Day.

Owner John wanted to sell it to buy a car for his daughter and took James for a test drive.

Unfortunately, the engine died twice in a day and left the pair of them marooned in the middle of a field. More high and mighty than high-end.

Posh Pawn, Channel 4, Tuesday.