Maggie’s Muppets reassemble in the House of Lords

Expect Malcolm Rifkind to join Thatcher cabinet members Lawson, Lamont and MacGregor in the upper house soon.

It may seem disrespectful to compare peers of the realm to Muppets.

But just as every Muppet movie essentially revolves around getting the old gang back together, so last week we saw a cast of characters not seen in harness since Margaret Thatcher’s heyday reassemble in the House of Lords.

There was John MacGregor, the man who privatised the railways, and what a success that turned out to be. He was joined by Norman Lamont, the worst Chancellor of the Exchequer in living memory.

And leading the tag team of Tory terrors were Michael Forsyth and Nigel Lawson, a duo who increasingly seem to revel in their role as the Waldorf and Stadtler of the Lords. The members may have referred to each other as noble but the politics was anything but.

These voices from the past had formed a chorus in an effort to shout down Lib Dem Jeremy Purvis’ backbench bill that seeks to force the government to spend 0.7% of its budget each year on international aid.

To be fair this government has hit its own 0.7% target, yet certain Tories aren’t happy about that and they certainly don’t want it set in legislative stone.

Former Scottish Secretary Michael Moore had to contend with some tiresome filibustering in the Commons but he successfully got the bill through before handing it on to Lord Purvis to finish the job in the upper House.

Alongside Purvis a bench full of Lib Dem baronesses pulled faces ranging from incredulity through boredom and downright distaste as the Tory wreckers went about their business.

Lord Forsyth joked that the bill was “more of a dishcloth than a flag”. Fozzie Bear has been booed off stage for much better than that.

Lord Lamont explained that “examining retrospectively is not the same as examining in advance”. It’s this sort of insight that helped him steer the Treasury through Black Wednesday at a cost of £3 billion. And here he was now talking about accountability and good governance.

There was some excitement when an elderly peer appeared to refer to Lord Vader but instead of introducing the Star Wars villain into proceedings he was in fact talking about Lord Davies, who many on the Tory benches regard as worse than the dark lord of the Sith since he defected to Labour in the last parliament.

But if the Tory big beasts thought they were going to tear the Lib Dem lamb apart they were wrong. For Purvis proved more like current cinema star Shaun the Sheep full of verve, inventiveness and determination.

A particularly delicious moment came when he dismissed one attempt to change the bill by pointing out the amendment was legislatively illiterate. The backbencher responsible slumped as if someone had just cut his strings.

The plucky Purvis saw off his Conservative challengers, putting each in turn back in their box. The bill will likely pass before this parliament is dissolved. But it won’t be the end for the Thatcherite Muppets.

Purvis expects them to get back together one last time to try to repeal his bill later in the year and they may have more members.

Sir Malcolm Rifkind may be currently under investigation by the parliamentary standards body after he was caught on camera last week apparently boasting about how much influence he could lend a company in return for cash but truth is it seemed all talk and that’s not a crime.

He’ll step down from the Commons in May and likely be cleared of any major wrongdoing shortly after.

His worst mistake was saying he was “entitled” to a certain standard of living. And when it comes to entitlement there’s no better place than the House of Lords.

Expect a peerage before long and Margaret Thatcher’s Scottish Secretary will join her Chancellor Nigel Lawson, Chief Secretary Norman Lamont, Education Secretary John MacGregor and all in the upper house.

Play the music, light the lights, for Rifkind and his ilk the show isn’t over yet.