My advice to Kate Silverstone it’s hard work but sharing time with both kids is crucial

Kate Silverton spoke for many mums when she admitted it’s a tough call adjusting to family life when a second baby comes along.

The 44-year-old BBC newsreader said she felt guilty about sharing her time and attention between her little daughter Clemency when baby Wilbur was born two years later.

It’s one of the unspoken challenges of family life. How do you give each child everything they need without feeling you are short-changing one of them?

When the first baby arrives, you spend every waking minute concentrating on learning how to be a mother. It seems impossible that you could ever love anyone more than this little child who has changed your world forever.

Then the second baby comes along with his or her insistent demands and suddenly you feel torn in two. Have you got enough energy or hours in the day to keep both of them satisfied?

I know I felt on shaky ground when my second son was born two years after his brother, who really wasn’t ready to share me with anyone.

I’d be feeding the new baby when my toddler son would climb on the sofa beside me, turn my head insistently to face him and refuse to let me look at his little baby brother glugging down his bottle of milk.

Nothing much changed for months until eventually he realised this newcomer was here to stay and he might as well reluctantly accept him.

So, when I read how Kate felt torn in two between Clemency and Wilbur I identified totally with the stress it causes.

Your patience gets stretched to breaking point and you spend endless hours worrying whether you’re giving both children the individual attention they need.

“I wasn’t prepared for the amount of love I felt for my little boy, having been so overwhelmingly in love with my daughter,” Kate admitted.

She began to notice a change in Clemency’s behaviour. There were temper tantrums and days when she refused to go to nursery. “Her entire world had been turned upside down she felt she’d ‘lost’ me. I found myself saying ‘no’ to her more often than I should.”

We’ve all been there. What mum hasn’t fallen into bed at night exhausted, asking herself “did I get it right today?” And not being comfortable with the answer.

Sometimes all we can do is be a “good enough” parent.

Kate learned that gradually a new pattern emerged.

Three-year-old Clemency has now adjusted to having a baby brother and likes to dress him and push nine-month-old Wilbur around in her doll’s pram.

Mums can’t get everything right but if it’s any consolation, Kate, I believe that if we do the best we can and try to give each child a bit of one-to-one time, somehow or other it works out fine.

Learning to share is part of growing up.