Feature
Flying the nest

As students prepare for the new academic year, Caroline Lindsay puts together a practical guide to help make the transition easier — for you and your child.
This month, 18-year-old David Park (right) will be starting his second year at Napier University, Edinburgh, working towards a BDes Honours degree in Consumer Product Design, Design Futures and Interior Architecture. 

During David’s last year at school, representatives from universities came in to speak to the pupils and offer them practical advice on courses, accommodation and money, and he found this invaluable. Then, before he started at Napier, he received a welcome pack from the university which contained useful information like a checklist of things to bring with him (for example, birth, medical and exam certificates), a campus map, a programme for the induction week and a student charter, outlining what the university expects from its students and vice versa. (The welcome pack can also be downloaded by logging on to www.napier.ac.uk and then clicking on Publication Downloads.)

As the youngest of five children, David has already seen his two brothers and sisters leave home to go on to further education. This gave him some idea of what to expect when it was his turn. As the baby of the family, was it hard for him to adapt to life away from home?

“I’d say I went from being completely dependent to completely independent in the space of a couple of months,” he says. “I didn’t really feel homesick at all, and I soon felt confident enough to move out of university accommodation and into a flat that I share with five other students. It didn’t take too long for reality to kick in and to realise that I’d have to be responsible for doing my own washing, paying bills and the like.

“When I first came to Edinburgh I felt a bit like a kid in a candy store where money was concerned but I’ve learnt the hard way that I have to be responsible financially,” David continues. “These days most students have loans, which you don’t have to pay back until you find a job earning at least £15,000. A lot of my friends have overdrafts as well. But, like many universities and colleges, the Student Support Services here can offer advice and if you’re in real trouble there is a hardship fund that may be able to help.

“University life has really lived up to my expectations. The course is great, learning all about the concepts behind product design, and I’m hoping it’ll lead to a job heading a design team in the future.

“Mum and Dad have always been very supportive of me and my brothers and sisters but I’d say our relationship has changed since I left home. When I go back, we’re much more formal with each other than we used to be and it takes a while for us to relax. 

“My parents moved house round about the same time as I started at Napier — Dad’s a minister and Mum is a special needs auxiliary — and they have busy lives. They don’t live far from Edinburgh and I see a fair bit of my brothers and sisters, too. In fact, one of my brothers works in Edinburgh and pops round now and then. We’ve always been a close family and I’m sure this has given me the confidence to make it on my own now.

“The advice I’d have for any student about to start uni is not to be scared to talk to anyone or be intimidated by others who may seem more grown-up, experienced or talented than yourself — after all, everyone is in the same boat. It means you don’t feel homesick and it’s invaluable to have the help of others during your coursework.

“Also, although I’d encourage anyone to party their socks off, I’d also advise them not to fall into the trap of forgetting about their course work, because not only are summer resits a waste of sunshine-time but they can cost money too!”

Dad Chris says . . .
“We felt a mixture of pride and emotion when we dropped David off at his student flat in Edinburgh. Pride that he was ready and able to take the big step of leaving home to start university, and apprehension knowing that he was faced with a steep learning curve.

“Napier University’s policy of ensuring that first year students have the chance of a place in university accommodation was very reassuring, as being with four other students in the same boat meant they could help each other out.

“After the first few weeks we were pleased when David told us that he really liked his course, reassuring us that he had made the right choice. While it was undeniably a wrench for us when he left home, leaving a gap in our lives, we were delighted that he was finding many opportunities to make new friends and gaining a much broader experience of life.

“It takes a while to get the right balance between leaving him to be independent and making sure that he knows we’re there to support him when necessary. But it has been good to watch him grow in maturity and confidence over this past year and we look forward with great interest to see where this whole experience will take him.”
A helping hand
Most universities and colleges have a good system of support to help prepare prospective students, and look after them once they arrive. Chris Lusk from the Student Support Services at the University of St Andrews, for example, explains that they send three lots of information out to students prior to their arrival. 

“One comes in the form of the general prospectus, the next goes out when an actual offer is made and gives students advice on health, accommodation and so on. There’s also a website kept up to date on student information with a link for ‘new students,’” she says.

“A key point of contact at St Andrews is the front line person of the Support Service — Maggie. ‘Ask Maggie’ becomes a key phrase and students can e-mail to askmaggie@st-andrews.ac.uk (log on to www.st-andrews.ac.uk/sss first), giving them someone with whom to have personal contact and ask the queries which may be worrying them.

“The third pack of information is handed to students when they arrive and, as it contains a lot of vital information, it should be kept until the student has time to read it.

“I’d heartily encourage new students to take part in events at Orientation at the uni or college they’re at,” continues Chris. “Every university has a support service where staff are able to help.

“Student Support Services can help whatever the problem, from money running out, to council tax, to having difficulties with a landlord or getting a part-time job. Our large international population can face immigration issues and we have an adviser who liaises with the Home Office and the police over these, along with assisting the students themselves to deal with the culture shock of this new environment.

“Disabled students are seen by our disability team, providing services for anything from dyslexia to severe disabilities or chronic illnesses.

“On an emotional basis, our team of qualified support workers, from a multi-disciplinary background of counselling, social work, psychiatry and medicine will help students handle the challenge of new friends, relationship issues, new accommodation, new systems, new routines and, sometimes, new language.

“The biggest challenge is going from being a big fish in a small pool at school, home or work, to being a very small fish in a pool of people who are all bluffing about how ‘cool’ they are. Try to remember that everyone’s in the same boat at first,” advises Chris.

Chris’s tips for . . . parents
A parent’s job is to prepare. So while you may want to do their washing, make their meals and tidy their room, don’t! You’ll be doing them a favour if you let them try their wings before they leave the nest. Make them do their own washing and tidying, help with the shopping and cooking, and work out a budget with them — be very clear what money you are able to give them and what they are expected to provide by Student Loan or part-time working.

Don’t phone them all the time once they’ve left home — let them decide the frequency of contact. Send things from home now and again to let them know you’re thinking about them, like sweets, local newspapers and photos.

If you visit them at university, don’t outstay your welcome. A couple of hours or so is probably ample.

Leave their room just the way it is while they’re gone. They’ll be reassured to find everything the same when they come back.

Encourage them to put ICE (in case of emergency) numbers in their mobile phone contact lists.

. . . younger brothers and sisters
Yes, you’ll miss them at first but this is a great opportunity to ‘borrow’ their cool clothes and CDs that they collect at uni or college and bring with them when they come home. Also, you’ll enjoy even more attention from your mum and dad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder — if you don’t have a great relationship with your brother or sister you’ll probably get on better after a break.

. . . new students
Give it a month, then give it another month. If you still hate it by Christmas, consider a change but even then don’t give up until you have something else to go to. Never run away — always run to something else.
Try to plan your day. You still have a timetable of lectures and tutorials, but all of a sudden you’re free to plan exactly as you want and it’s easy to flounder in this situation, leaving you bored and homesick, or burning the candle at both ends, resulting in exhaustion and poor grades.
Go to at least some of the events offered in freshers’ week and the orientation programme. They’re a great way to make friends and find your way around.
Limit your number of bank accounts — more debt than necessary is not a way to go. Start looking for a part-time job perhaps even before you get to uni if possible.


David's parents, Chris and Moira.

Useful stuff

The journey begins . . .
If your daughter is leaving home and you’re worried about how she’ll be able to organise and pay for everyday maintenance, occasional repairs and regular services on her car, why not encourage her to join the Foxy Lady Drivers Club, a new motoring club for females which combines practical advice with money-saving services?

In exchange for a £30 annual subscription and a one-off £5 joining fee, Foxy promises to save women money and time by identifying the best value local businesses so they don’t have to shop around themselves. The club also offers women practical advice about maintaining safe and reliable cars.

For more information log on to www.foxyladydrivers.com or call 0870 225 5369.

Think before you decide . . .
Passed your exams but not sure what to do next? Can’t find the right course or place to study? Don’t worry — HERO can help. HERO, which stands for Higher Education and Research Opportunities, believes that students should have the most reliable and up-to-date facts when making life-changing decisions about the future.

www.hero.ac.uk provides helpful hints and tips about locating the right courses and places to study, as well as offering practical advice about university life and what to expect.

Bridging the gap
If your child is thinking about a gap year, they can get good advice on what to do with their time from award-winning gap-year information website www.gapwork.com. Figures from UCAS show a general increase in those deferring entry to university. According to gapwork.com’s recent survey, Australia and New Zealand are favourite destinations followed by Africa and South America, Britain and Europe, USA and Russia.

So what will gappers actually do with their year off? Many will spend their time helping others by getting involved in community development, helping to build schools, working to bring food and medical supplies to needy areas or volunteering with a charity. Conservation is another area of interest to some gappers, while others concentrate on learning new skills or training for a future job.

Money matters
The move to university is often a teenager’s first experience of having to manage real finances and start thinking about boring things like rent, books and travel expenses, not to mention the cost of that infamous student social life! Student loans and debts can be worrying for everyone involved so it’s good to know that there’s plenty of practical advice available. 

Personal Accounts for Students is a new version of a highly popular software which has won umpteen awards and great reviews for its easy-to-use design. 
Costing £14.99 you can download it from www.accountz.com and it’s also available from branches of Staples, WH Smith and www.amazon.co.uk 


What Every Parent Should Know Before Their Child Goes To University by Jane Bidder.

Starting at university is daunting, worrying and stressful — for you and your child. They want to appear independent but secretly they still want support. So where does that leave you?

Jane Bidder’s book charts your route through the new parental territory you’re about to enter. It draws on the experience of parents who have gone before you to help with filling in UCAS forms, organising accommodation, changing courses, money and budgeting, coping with changes for parents left at home, and problems from stress, homesickness, drugs, jobs and broken hearts. White Ladder Press, £9.99, ISBN 0 9548219 1 2.

 

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