Feature Three men and their babies It’s a chance to play with all the toys you’ve always wanted to, watch children’s movies and act like a big kid — fatherhood can mean so many different things. To celebrate Father’s Day this month these doting dads have their say. |
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I could have run 2500 marathons, tuned in to 5000 televised football matches, boiled 148,800 eggs . . . I could have done all these things in the 10 months since my son, Lewis, set foot on planet earth. But, thankfully for my ageing knees, electricity bill and cholesterol levels, I decided to unravel the mysteries of fatherhood instead. On first inspection, I was amazed to discover how much sleep Lewis needed and how little he afforded us. I marvelled at the incredible capacity of his lungs, the flipper-like speed of his kicking legs, his appetite for milk (we received excited Christmas cards from dairy farmers). Our nanny Dorothee, who calls Lewis Baby Love, describes him as a living, growing miracle and I think, for most parents, this is what a child is. Behind closed doors, every dad knows that their child is the cleverest, strongest, most beautiful little monster who ever lived. They try to curb that enthusiasm when they’re outside. No one likes to brag, after all. My introduction to becoming a dad was in-at-the-deep-end stuff. The first two hours of Lewis’s life he spent solely in my company as my wife Christina was being examined by doctors, post-birth, in another room. During those incredibly sombre hours, I introduced myself to Lewis and explained how, despite the fact that neither of us knew what we were doing, we would try to make the best of it and it would be our little secret. That seems a long time ago. Lewis has had colds, two months of bronchitis, a bump on his cheek, and crying and laughing fits along the way. He’s learned to sit up, play and recently arrived at the startling realisation that he has hands and feet. I have experienced some revelations of my own. It is elation I feel most as a new father. I want to keep giving Lewis a squeeze to let him know he is loved. I suspect that a grown man should not admit to these things. I should be teaching him about catching rabbits and how not to wince when a beautiful woman applies Dettol to cuts after a lengthy bar brawl. But I guess this is what being a dad is about. You develop a soft centre and learn not to care that you may be getting mushy in your old age. This could be dangerous once Lewis gets older, though. A cuddle from dad can be socially fatal, especially once he grows out of dungarees. Having a baby is a bit like upgrading your Action Man figure every two weeks. He goes from the cheapest in the range to one with bells on, moving eyes, gripping hands and a little drawstring on the back that says, “Da, Da” when you pull it. Lewis is starting to recognise familiar people, too, which is emotionally satisfying. He can sing songs as long as they exclusively involve the lyrics ba ba ba ba, move objects from one hand to another, fear new people he meets and break wind unassisted. I wonder sometimes what type of father I will be. Will I fill him with the right information about life? I wonder who he will become and how much of his personality will be shaped positively by those around him. Being a new dad, I am discovering, is a weighty responsibility but one which I gladly accept. It is worth it. After all, fatherhood has major advantages. For example, it provides the freedom to buy fabulous toys you never used to be able to afford without having to explain yourself, it gives you carte blanche to act ridiculously in public for the amusement of your child and offers at least one valid reason to feel good about yourself. Sometimes in the morning I lay Lewis down quietly to change his nappy and dress him for the day. He gives me a look as if he is saying, “Dad, you are transmitting love and I am receiving. Everything is working out fine.” Now I realise that he gives this same look to the fridge but I would like to think, among the random expressions and emotions, one of them is targeted directly towards me. This is the finest hour of being a dad. To know that this tiny person feels safe in your arms. My job, as Whitney once put it, is to show Lewis all the beauty he possesses inside. The American poet Anne Sexton once wrote, “It doesn’t matter who my father was, it matters who I remember he was.” I hope I can give Lewis the best of memories. By Guy Fee. |
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When Colin Scott’s marriage collapsed he had no time to think about himself — his two little boys, Peter and Gary, made sure of that. Colin, from Inverkip, Greenock, separated from his wife nearly seven years ago when his sons were just four and 10. Then, three months after his marriage ended, he was made redundant. “Those were my darkest days,” Colin admits. “I was in limbo, in my mid-30s with two children to think about and a house to pay for. I couldn’t afford to work and pay for childcare and there were few local opportunities that offered the flexibility I needed.” Colin had to knuckle down to life as a full-time dad, not only caring for his sons but also giving them emotional support. “Children tend to blame themselves so I had to make them see that it wasn’t their fault their mum left. Their wee hearts were breaking so that first Christmas I went out and maxed my MasterCard to the limit. I’ve only just paid it off but we had the best Christmas!” Colin has worked hard to be the best father he can. “I have had to make it all up along the way. Ironing, washing, cleaning — you just have to get on with it, don’t you?” In 2001, after three years as a full-time dad, Colin spotted an advert for a personal trainers’ course. “I had trained with the TA. Outdoor pursuits had allowed me to escape some tough times as a single parent so this seemed ideal. The government’s New Deal for Lone Parents Scheme provided financial support which meant I could enrol on the course.” Following an intensive three months at the David Lloyd Centre in Paisley, Colin graduated with a Premier Diploma in Personal Training and was able to start a new career he could fit in with his role as dad. “I arrange my appointments around the boys,” he explains. To his amazement, he received an invitation from Downing Street to meet Tony and Cherie Blair after being put forward by his Lone Parent advisor. “I scrubbed up well and it gave me closure on what had been really difficult years. I had gone from sheer desperation to Downing Street! “The media tends to focus on single mothers but there’s an army of single dads out there. If I had £1 for every time somebody has been shocked I have custody, I wouldn’t have to work. There’s an assumption women make better parents, but it’s not always so. Sometimes it’s Dad they run to.” The boys do still see their mum during holidays but it’s Colin who has all the everyday worries and responsibilities. “I identify more with my female friends now,” he reveals. “My male friends have different priorities — work comes first, then their social life. Children come third. I think it’s the children that come first with most women, and me.” These days Peter (17) is studying Aeronautical Engineering at James Watt College and Gary (11) is enjoying school. Colin beams, “I’m so proud, I can’t begin to tell you. “I work my diary so I can hang out with Peter on his days off and stay at home if Gary is off school. My job allows me to balance work and family.” It’s not just his job that has changed life for the better, Colin also receives vital support from his own family. “I couldn’t have done this without the help of my mum, Jan. She’s the apple of my eye. She provides the female touch.” And a hand in the kitchen, as Colin admits, “I’m more of a heater-upper than a cook!” With three men under one roof, Colin says the house has a very male atmosphere. “I tried to over compensate at the start so I was grateful to my mum and sister Barbara for their female influence. It sharpens us lads up.” Some nights the three of them will sit side by side on the sofa watching a DVD, sharing sweets and juice. “It’s just me and my boys — the Three Amigos! We’re as thick as thieves.” Colin chose to remain single for some time but now has a girlfriend who has the boys’ seal of approval. With Colin, it’s his boys who come first. “They are my world,” he says. “I have two strapping, healthy sons. I have to pinch myself sometimes to believe how far we’ve come. Five years ago I didn’t know where I would find the money to put food on the table and now here I am at 40 — the luckiest man alive.” By Sarah Johnson. |
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“A major responsibility and a great deal of pleasure,” is how Denis McAdam sums up his role as dad to Denise. The daughter he describes as a bundle of joy as a baby has grown up into a celebrity hairdresser he is very proud of. From the word go, Denis has been a hands-on dad. “By today’s standards I was a very modern dad,” he says, “cooking and undertaking all the tasks that a new baby required.” And they spent a great deal of time together as Denise grew up. “We did lots of swimming and ice-skating at Crossmyloof ice rink in Glasgow.” They also tried golfing together. “Denise has a great swing but I could never keep her interested as it wasn’t fashionable for girls then. So, I took her horse riding instead. She also loved the Guides and camping and I would be on hand to help with tents.” The creativity which would lead on to hairdressing began to show early in Denise’s life. “At school she loved science and would make soap concoctions we all had to use. She was artistic and as a wee girl was styling her dollies’ hair and making clothes.” Denis admits that his daughter does take after him in some ways. “We’re both perfectionists in everything we do and bossy till we get our own way.” But there are few arguments between dad and daughter. “We only disagree in the kitchen so I have now settled for being her first assistant.” Denise’s habits can be a little irritating, he admits. “When I help her to do DIY, like hanging pictures in the house, she measures everything, stands back and checks. Then checks again! That’s why she’s such a brilliant hair cutter and people travel from all over the world for her talents.” When Denise has gone globetrotting it has been her family she has turned to to look after her own daughter. “We are first on hand to look after Charlotte, and Denise’s beloved dogs. In the days when she was travelling with members of the Royal family, or on big fashion shoots, she would fly up to Scotland and I would be at the airport where she would hand over Charlotte before flying back. If her schedule was really tight, I would fly to Heathrow to meet her and take Charlotte back to Scotland.” Denis sees Denise whenever possible and there are holidays together, too. And he admits he’s often called down to London to help with DIY. Denise recently married French partner Christian and it was a day to remember for Dad. “It was a fantastic affair and just what I’ve come to expect of Denise’s organisational ability — everything was perfection.” His daughter’s achievements in her career have also delighted Denis. “At 18 Denise did Grace Kelly’s hair and she finished off Sarah Ferguson’s hairstyle for her wedding to Prince Andrew. But I was very proud of her decision to give up her west end salon to make time for her beautiful daughter and to work on her product range for Tesco.” The whole family looked out for Denise and Christian at the recent royal wedding. “Denise told us she was in the bus with Tara Palmer Tompkinson and Christian met the Queen,” Denis reveals. “She was also thrilled to meet Princesses Beatrice and Eugene and was delighted when they said they use her shampoo!” By Nora Cleeve. |
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