A cuddle and a cry

WHEN most of us have a bad day at work, we might go home in a huff, maybe have a cup of tea or something stronger. But Andrea Cail gives her children a cuddle and sometimes feels guilty for having two healthy sons. She knows it’s a bit irrational but she can’t help herself. Knowing that you’re so much luckier than many of the people who have been part of your day will do that to you. Andrea is head of care at Rachel House and that means her day can be a bit more difficult than most. But then again it’s also probably more rewarding than most. Sensitive With a near-permanent cheeky grin, this Yorkshire lass calls a spade a spade yet effortlessly manages it with the diplomacy necessary for such a sensitive task. Andrea has been at Rachel House since before the doors opened for the first time in 1996 but she doesn’t pretend she can truly know the feelings of families with children at the hospice.

Andrea Cail, head of care  at the Kinross hospice.

“I have two boys aged 11 and nine so I have an insight as a parent. I hear their anxieties and recognise them. But, thank God, I don’t know what it’s like to have a sick child. It does make me appreciate my own sons even more.”
The children who attend Rachel House get top class care but Andrea knows it isn’t always easy for their parents to make that first step.
“Lots of families say that first visit is the most difficult,” she says. “They have so many different images of what they expect from Rachel House. 
“For some it’s almost like saying goodbye, like admitting a sense of failure. They shouldn’t feel that way but some do. Yet when they come here, their children often feel better and stronger in no time at all. 
“It’s not because of a change in their condition but because of the peace and quiet, the one-to-one care and simply the space that maybe they can’t get at home. At Rachel House children are treated as children rather than someone with a disease. We hope we treat them the way they would want to be treated.”
Family outing
Naturally, the most difficult and distressing time at Rachel House is when a child dies. 
When I spoke to Andrea, they had suffered four deaths in five weeks. Normally, they would expect no more than 20 in a year.
“Children shouldn’t die. It’s just not normal,” says Andrea. “And they do die, they don’t pass away or pass on, they die. It is extremely difficult for everyone concerned but it is also a fact of life and we have to treat it as such.
“A few weeks ago a young boy died here and his mum later told us that the care her son was given when he was alive was superb but the care the family had received since he died had surpassed even that. Things like that mean a lot.
“When families are here, they go out and about as they please and do things like go on days out which many can’t manage when they’re at home. 
“For some, it’s so time-consuming and difficult to go out together that they just don’t bother. We had a wee girl die recently but before she did, her mum and dad had taken the whole family out for a day to St Andrews. 
“It might seem such a simple thing but her dad said to me that it was so great that they had spent that time together.”
Emotions on the line
To be able to deliver the care that individual children need at Rachel House means the staff must put their own emotions on the line.
“Everyone here gets very close indeed to our visiting families,” admits Andrea. “You have to get close but it hurts.
“On the bad days I go home and have a good cry, cuddle my boys, listen to music, go for a hike, anything to get away from it. 
“I don’t often cry in Rachel House, it doesn’t do anyone else any good. My own emotions tend to be very private.”
Wouldn’t it be easier to do something else rather than endure the emotional turmoil of working at Rachel House?
“Everyone here is very committed to the children and their parents. It’s what we do. We are doing something that makes a difference. These children are so full of mischief and fun. They don’t sit around feeling sorry for themselves.
“It would take great courage to walk away and do something ‘easier’ instead.”

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